About a month ago, when I was still bursting with enthusiasm to try absolutely everything in Shreveport and was buying Groupons like they were going out of style, I purchased a Groupon for Peak Physiques. It’s a no excuse, push your limits, workout space that offers evening classes. Like most normal people, I decided this was exactly the type of thing I needed to be a part of in a new city.
Weeks went by and I found myself reluctant to go to the classes. Until tonight. The Groupon was about to expire and I decided to buck up and just go.
When I arrived I was assured that I could go at my own pace, that I would be able to keep up, and that the hour-long class would be an intense leg workout. Since I was a runner, I was told I should be fine.
I felt good about all of this until I noticed the camera crew filming several completely shredded patrons in the center of the space.
“Um, are you guys filming a YouTube for your Facebook or something?”
“No, MTV is filming a reality series on MMA fighters.”
“LSU Football players? Why are they training here?”
“No, MMA Fighters. Mixed Martial Arts. You know, cage fighters?”
“Oh. Yeah, sure.” (I have never seen a cage fight in my life. I’m still unclear what it involves).
“Don’t worry, they won’t film you.”
Famous. Last. Words.
The instructor called everyone together and I was the only female. That’s right. A team of MMA Fighters and me. At that moment I wanted to go home so badly but then the thought of the alternative – running in 92° again – was so unpleasant, I figured that there was no way this could be worse.
The workout started with a fast-paced warm-up and quickly progressed into a level of intensity that left my body trembling. At one point, as my lanky, uncoordinated body hobbled through suicides, lunges, burpees, bear crawls, and box jumps, I felt unsure if I was going to laugh, cry, vomit, or emit a combination of all three. I’m pretty sure in my state of delirium I murmured something about seeing spots and having a ringing in my ears.
And then, miraculously, the hour of torture was over. As I struggled to catch my breath and say silent Hail Marys that I wouldn’t end the night in the LSU Emergency Room, I was approached by one of the MTV guys. He needed me to sign a waiver so that they could use the footage with me in it.
I almost died.
My big television debut involves me wearing ratty workout clothes, with frizzy hair, sweating profusely, and on the verge of going into cardiac arrest.
I’m pretty sure they’ll probably cut the footage, but if not you can look for me in the new MTV series, Caged, airing in early 2012 (likely February).
According to Variety.com:
“Caged,” which takes places in rural Louisiana, examines twentysomethings who gather to fight in cages — all the while trying to figure out what to do with their lives.
The MMA website claims it’s the Jersey Shore of the South. The irony is uncanny.